Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
