It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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