You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was born a porn star she said
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
