just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
