We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
