I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
