Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
