its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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