I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
