Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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