I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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