mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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