you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
