Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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