Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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