Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
