today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
