i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize