The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
