I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
