So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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