What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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