i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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