His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
