You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
