11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
