maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
