There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize