my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
