omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
