i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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