That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
