In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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