I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The beer is more important than you right now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
