I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
false alarm, still single
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
