the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
