I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize