we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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