you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
