Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
