My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
