I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
