We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
