Please, let me fuck your mom
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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