no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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