My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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