Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize