Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
