I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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