I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
