tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
