In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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