guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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