you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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