i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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