i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's like heaven, but drunker
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
