he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
