This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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