Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
