I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
