I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
