susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
